By LaLa Vak
Are we too picky when it comes to finding love? When you have been speaking to someone and you are debating going on a date with them, relax on how picky you are. This is the time when you are single and looking for a partner. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t be going on the date in the first place. So give out lots of chances. Get a feel for different guys and see who ticks what boxes.
I have come to notice that there are a lot of good men out there. Rare for me to be saying this because I have met a load of idiots in my life but I think it is so good to go out and date and find different qualities in different people. Even if you don’t like someone you date romantically, keep them as a friend. You can never have enough friends and if the date went well I am sure hanging out as friends will be just as good.
Honestly, I think we have a right to be picky when it comes to finding a partner. A relationship is a big commitment. If you are just having sex with someone, fine, make sure he is as hot as Channing Tatum and hung like a donkey, but if you are trying to settle down, you are allowed to be a bit fussy. Relationships require time, energy, emotional investment – all big commitments. So do not waste these things on someone who is not going to treat you like a god/dess.
I think pickiness comes with laziness. I know a lot of girls and guys for that matter think that their perfect person will just come to them. Even if you are out in a bar we sometimes just pick up an excuse to not talk to the person because he may not have something you are looking for. We’ll think to ourselves: “Well, he’s not my 100% perfect guy, so he’s not really for me.” And we’ll often use this as our excuse EVEN IF WE’VE NEVER EVEN SPOKEN TO HIM!
I know this behaviour because I’ve done it myself god knows how many times. I would look at someone at a bar or a party I wanted to speak to, avoid conversation with him all night, and then in my head I would make up some lame excuse about how he was probably shallow and lame anyway because it made me feel better about not taking a chance.
We become too picky when what we are looking for is unrealistic or we are looking for more than we actually find.
Take my friend Arielle for example. Stunning girl, absolutely beautiful with a great personality too and can literally get any guy she wants but she only likes the good looking pretty boys. Has being with these model types helped her in life? NO. They have all been pricks to her. So when I told her maybe she needs to actually forget the looks for a minute so she can find a nice guy, her face dropped.
To me, looks comes after personality. If a guy can make me smile, hold conversation, make me laugh and give good kisses, instantly he is in my good books and I will give him a chance. Once you get to know someone, it is their personality and things about them you fall for not just the looks. Listen, there are always going to be things about people we don’t like. Nobody is perfect. There will be something in every person you meet that you may like and you may not like.
I went speed dating once and out of about 15 guys I met, I could have put the perfect man together out of 5 of them. It is so rare that you will meet someone that has everything you wish for in a partner.
My dream guy looks like this: tall, dark skin, green eyes long hair tied in a bun, tattoos, a stubble beard, a great smile with dimples, nice teeth, toned gym arms that strum a guitar like a god and abs I could lick anything off of.
Have I ever come across this guy? Yes, on Instagram model pages. My dream looking guy is a fantasy. It is not a reality.
In reality, I would like a guy who treats me like a princess, makes me smile and I could see as the father of my future bastards.
1) Don’t be too judgmental. It is such a bad quality. It’s hard to see the good in people when you are only looking for the bad!
2) Stop overvaluing the wrong things and start to value the important things. Sometimes you will actually end up with someone who you really didn’t think you were compatible with because you have different views and values. Boys, don’t think you have to be with a girl JUST because she watches football. I watch football and actually really like it, don’t think I’m a catch just because of that (I am a catch in general we all know it!) but look to find the other things about her you can fall for. Girls, don’t not date a guy because he likes art and museums and you don’t because you like shopping and tanning. Differences are good. Opposites attract!
3) Don’t just go on appearance. Not every man looks like McSteamy, Ryan Reynolds or Tom Hardy (bloody wish they did I won’t hide it) and I’m not just talking looks, but money also. I know a lot of girls who won’t date a guy just because she knows he hasn’t got a large bank account. Get your head out your asses and stop being so superficial. We all have a ‘type’ there is no denying it, I haven’t found my ‘type’ up until now and probably won’t! (However, if someone does find him and he is nice and funny send him my way!) But seriously, get the image of having a ‘type’ out your head. Just because his skin is lighter than you like and his eyes are brown not green doesn’t mean he won’t rock your world, he probably will!
4) Don’t let your horniness chose for you! Sometimes I see a guy and think ‘phwoarrrr he would get it!’ (Yes, I am vulgar, I know!) But, that’s all he would get. When your vajayjay does the talking it is most likely that you want that guy just for a shag. It is usually the ones you think “I’m not sure if he would get it” that actually give it better and are better partner material. Boys, same for you, don’t place too much credibility in your cock’s ability to choose your next girl.
In life there is no right cookie but you just have to put your hand in the jar, pick one and take a bite.