I, DANGEROUS MILO YIANNOPOULOS

 

By Milo Yiannopoulos

Now, I know what you’re all going to ask me. You’ve read the negative press. We’ve all read the story, so let me just lay it to rest. And I know what you’re all wondering.

A hundred thousand copies! Isn’t that impressive? I can’t wait to read it!

All right. To the serious stuff. Well, as much of the serious stuff as I’m capable of.

I was with the Freedom Center in November, and the world has changed since then. There’s a lot more Milo in it, for one thing. And there’s a lot more of these.

Now, I’ve been given advance notice, as some of you may have picked up, that tomorrow this book will be number two on the New York Times combined hardcover and e-book. Now, I made the decision to go in at number two because I wanted to give Mark Levin a fighting chance.

And I love him, I think he’s wonderful, but I like me more. So you can look forward to me ascending to my rightful position next week, as we finally manage — we can’t print them fast enough — as we finally manage to get all of the copies to waiting pre-orderers, even still, who haven’t got them 10 days later. We’re doing everything we possibly can. Retailers vastly underestimated how popular I am, despite me telling them repeatedly.

Dangerous book cover.jpg

So we are printing them as fast as we can, getting them out as fast as we can. And it’s my hope that everybody who wants a copy will be able to get one within 24 hours by this time next week. But that’s how popular this book is. So I expect a long, successful run at the top of all the bestseller lists.

And we have debuted, I believe, yes, number one on The Wall Street Journal e-book nonfiction list, number two on the hardback list, number three on the USA Today list, and number two on Publishers Weekly, and they f**king hate me.

There’s nothing quite so satisfying as forcing your ideological enemies to give you awards. It’s great.

And that’s the great joy of America, because success, particularly commercial success, is an unarguable and incontrovertible fact. And against all of the odds, against all the odds, against the combined might of the media and the publishing establishment, despite everything that was thrown at me and my supporters, we have successfully published a smash hit bestseller. So thank you.

Now, you may have read — just to give you an example of why I wrote this book in the first place — I read some headlines over the last sort of 36 hours about the book only selling 152 copies in the UK, where I’m from. Which would be really depressing, except the book’s not on sale there. In fact, 152 diehard nutcases have paid for rush international shipping to get their copies from the US, which is much less humiliating for me, when you think about it. And this is the media in action for you, and this is one of the reasons I wrote this book.

Some of the major booksellers — I should tell you some of the horror stories. Now, I’m not going to name and shame anybody, because I still have this silly, vain hope that I might one day walk into Barnes & Noble and see them actually catering to consumer demand. But I — no, no, I don’t want to pick on Barnes & Noble, I’m sure Borders are just as bad — kidding. I do hold out some hope that common sense will prevail, as my CEO is nervously texting already. I’m not kidding, look at this, squirming in his seat.

But you should hear some of the horror stories from the frontlines. Indie book stores refusing to order the book, because they won’t support hate speech. Well, we are, nonetheless, cruising towards 10,000 copies dispatched to indie book stores. Now, I like to believe that that’s roughly equivalent to 10,000 bloated, facially pierced, blue-haired feminist monstrosities crying into their Ben & Jerry’s. Because they were forced to type the words “Milo Yiannopoulos dangerous” into their computer, and press order.

The first round of social justice suicides can’t be far off. I’m just kidding. There we are, look, see. The College Republicans are upset. I’ve already given them such a bad name.

Nonetheless, we are closing in on 10,000 orders just from indie bookstores. Leftists, of course, did everything they could to stop this book, including Simon & Schuster. Yes. No, I have to be careful what I say.

You know, I got an email the other day, which was very exciting for me. I got an email from my lawyer saying, “Congratulations for staying on message.”

I just replied, “Fuck!”

No, so I have to be careful what I say. But we are pursuing Simon & Schuster for terminating a contract pretextually.

And you’ll be happy to know I’ve retained one of Daddy’s lawyers.

I have. His name is Stephen Meister. And with his colleague, Jeff, they are going to be getting a sum no less than $10 million from Simon & Schuster for pretextually canceling my book. You see, we found this wonderful thing. If they canceled the book, as we believe they did, because of pressure from leftists, well, I get all the money they made for canceling my deal. Supreme Court’s good for something, after all.

The feminist author Roxane Gay — the clue’s in the name — canceled a book deal she had with them. And it’s things like this that led, we believe, Simon & Schuster to pull my deal. They told us in emails and texts, 24 hours before they canceled the deal, how happy they were with the manuscript. They thought it was great, they were looking forward to marketing it with the full muscle of Simon & Schuster. And as successful as the book has been, I have to wonder how much more successful it would’ve been had the entire media and the entire publishing establishment not been implacably opposed to its success.

Now, you’ll have read some varying reports about sales numbers for this book. I can confirm that our entire first printing is allocated and accounted for, as I said previously. But even if you go with the smallest possible estimation on numbers, still the New York Times has kind of leant on the scales. I ought to be number two, and instead, number four.

And all these kind of petty, vindictive, spiteful little maneuvers designed to make it as difficult as possible for conservatives to launch books. Newt Gingrich had a terrible time with both of the last of his two books. But we have prevailed nonetheless.

But it does make me wonder how much more successful — I mean, let’s say the inconceivable happens. Let’s say I sell a million copies of this book. If I’d had the sort of press attention that odious gargoyles like Lena Dunham or talentless manatees like Amy Schumer had received, how many might I have sold? Ten million? Well, never mind, because we’re going to do great, anyway.

Now, as a famously humble person, I hate to brag.

But if anyone ever received the sort of outrage merely for declaring that they were intending to publish a book, the contents of which nobody knew, I don’t know, with the possible exception of Salman Rushdie — I mean, it’s quite a ballsy thing to say that, but I think it’s probably true. We have succeeded despite this uniform hostility.

Now, I wrote “Dangerous” for several reasons, partly to introduce brand Milo to the remaining idiots who don’t know who I am.

But more importantly, more importantly, and along the lines of David’s introduction, I wrote it to introduce young people to freedom and to fun.

It’s my observation as a Brit coming to America, and anticipating that this would be a free land, the land of opportunity, the land of hope, and the land of free expression, the country of the First Amendment, that you’d be able to be, do and say anything, as I say in the book, as David told you.

But actually, the social restrictions on what you’re allowed to say in this country are some of the most oppressive anywhere in the Western world. And they don’t come from the government, as they do in other Western countries. They come from you, they come from Americans. Americans policing other Americans. And that’s not a problem of politics, that’s a problem of culture.

And yet, Republicans poor hundreds of millions, if not by this point billions, of dollars into think tanks and magazines, who publish long, rambling essays about TPP. I don’t know what that is. I hope never to know what that is. I will be very happy if I get all the way through my life without ever knowing what TPP is. But I understand that some people think it’s really important. And they think they might win elections by making persuasive arguments about it. They won’t. They win elections by being fearless. They’ll win elections by being fun. They’ll win elections by being fabulous. Like Daddy.

I noticed that during the first leg of my tour, before it was called the Dangerous Faggot tour, that I was being called dangerous. I was being called dangerous by students. Despite, for insurance, not calling for a jihad on the President.

Linda Sarsour. Mm. You know, I know that God loves me, and I know that God is smiling down on me. Because every time I come for somebody, two weeks later, they do something to prove me right.

So a couple of weeks after I joined Pamela Geller, who is another hero of mine — couple of weeks after I joined Pamela Geller, and I explained to the crowd — as a lover of language, I looked this up — Sarsour is Arabic for cockroach.

And then I walked offstage. No. It is, you can look it up. After I said she should be allowed to speak, but everyone should know what a f**king c**t she is — sorry, you’ll have to bleep that out — two weeks later, she calls for a jihad on President Trump. They always, they always reveal themselves in the end, just when they’re getting arrogant, when they think they’re untouchable.

Well, I didn’t call for a jihad against the President of the United States, but I was called dangerous, anyway. Because I was effective. I was effective at showing that you don’t have to vote Democrat just because you were born with a lust …

I don’t know, how old are you? Quite old, I’ll skip it.

No, sometimes they write things for me, and I’m just — I have to gauge the room, you know? No, no. Just look up a porno called “Poor Little White Guy,” and you’ll get the idea.

Now, I’ll return to the book shortly, but I’d like to talk just for a couple of minutes about what makes a conservative dangerous to liberals. Now, David gave me the Annie Taylor award for courage in journalism, and a testament to his good judgment and excellent taste. And you know, I didn’t know whether to accept it at the start. Because I thought, you know, once I start putting award-winning in front of my name, people will think I’m part of the establishment. People will think I’ve sold out. But then I hit the New York Times Bestseller List.

And then, next week, hopefully number one New York Times Bestseller List. So I’m coming round to it, I’m starting to embrace the honorifics. But David really was the first person who let me know it was okay to be me. And not that I was going to have this huge army of memesters, tricksters, trolls and students, but that I’d never be able to rear my head in polite society. So I’m grateful to him for that.

No, I won the award for courage [and] speak at universities. And taking an award for courage from somebody like that seemed preposterous to me. But I was grateful for it. And the reason that I think it matters is because of what’s happened to universities. Universities in this country are no longer places of learning. At least, not primarily. The primary function of the press has become virtue signaling. It’s become advertising the journalist’s own moral virtue to others.

The primary purpose of politics has become self-enrichment. And the primary purpose of the arena that matters most, universities, has become the policing of language, the establishment of political correctness, and the destruction of the First Amendment and of free speech in the name of progressive politics. It is an evil.

It is an evil that, if allowed to run unchecked, this country will not survive. Because if we don’t have the language to describe the threats to us, if we don’t have the language to discuss the ideas, to come to conclusions about the threats to us, if we aren’t able to freely and completely express ourselves, to tell what jokes we want, to investigate whatever philosophies or political ideas we want, then we become slaves to whichever authoritarian doctrine happens to hold cultural power at the time.

Now, in the ’90s, that perhaps arguably could’ve been the religious Right. And I don’t suppose I would’ve liked them any more than I like Lena Dunham. They were saying silly things about video games and silly things about Marilyn Manson.

Now the problem is the Left. I like Marilyn Manson. I know I don’t look like it, but I do. Although he’s gone a bit soft now. I liked — he’s sort of like the perfect Trump pop star, you know? Just whatever people go for, just say the opposite, and do it with a middle finger outstretched. He’s kind of like the perfect Donald Trump supporter. But then he did this stupid music video of him killing Trump. It’s just sort of my political kind of — I suppose when I grew up, it was when I realized that even my own idols had gone soft, and then it would fall to me to keep shocking people.

But no, these campuses these days have become reeducation camps. Feminism, radical race theories about colonialism, Marxism, anti-American politics, culture relativism and cultural appropriation, which we’ll get to in a minute.

Today’s universities, it’s okay to be anything. Well, it’s okay to be a lesbian. That’s the only place it is okay to be a lesbian.

College campuses and porn. If you identify as a minority, race studies professors will love you. If you’re obese, they’ll say it’s wonderful. They won’t tell you you’ll have hip replacements by 30 and be dead by 40. And if you’re an illegal alien, you’ll be presumed to exist in some protected class, some saintly category, exceeded only by Muslim terrorists.

If your loathing and hatred of the West is sufficient, you might even end up as one.

I can think of only one thing that it’s not acceptable to be on college campuses today, and that is Republican, conservative, or even libertarian. You will be threatened by your fellow students, you will be harassed by your professors. Your essays will be marked down because you have the wrong opinions. Your appeals to logic, fact, truth and reason will be met with scorn and punishment.

Used to be the same for gays. But you don’t come out as gay these days, you come out as conservative. We’ve got two choices.

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